he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
And then he peed in my hair
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