So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
