Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
