We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
