Don't make out with my wife yet
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
