Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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