i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
