My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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