You really coming over, don't trick.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
