i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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