Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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