i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
