it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
