Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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