The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He shit in the fireplace
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