all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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