She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
