Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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