i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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