I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
