The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
