apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
