Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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