Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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