the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
