my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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