You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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