i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize