Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
