Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
