Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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