He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
