well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
