Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
