Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
