her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
