It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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