Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
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Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
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Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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