i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
