Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
