I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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