i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
