I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
