You're my little dorito
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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