oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
