Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
