i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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