the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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