If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
