I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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