she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
