So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
