I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
