honey bunches of taint.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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