I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.