how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal