life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.