I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
