I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
