I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
