Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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