I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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