Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
