mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
