Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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